Big families. They are all around me. In Susya many families have six, seven, and eight children and that is normal. We have five. Small for Susya!
Whenever there is a chag, we feel it.
Whenever there is summer vacation, we feel it.
We feel alone. Like immigrants.
Tonight, a family rented the pool for the evening. Girls for 2 hours, then boys for 2 hours. I guarded girls. The Ladies of the family must have been 10 – sisters and sisters-in-law. Children…..dozens. One family!
I hate to admit it, but I was jealous. It hurt my heart to be there. All this familiarity. All these relations. We – my husband and I will never have that. My children will have it once they get married. But they have to wait until that happens….
Every summer they say “why don’t WE go away, like the other families?” and I explain we don’t have relatives to visit….
I’m not complaining; I’m just stating a fact.
Here’s my response to their complaints: We are first generation. Every family has a first generation. Once you are all married and have your own children, our holiday table will be full.
Look ahead. Be strong. Build your lives.
Does it hurt because of what we left behind? Of course it does. But I don’t look back. I look forward. To have strong children, I have to be strong…even if I have to pretend a little.